Selvaraaju’s Pensive

Quest for unknown September 21, 2008

This post will tell me how I kept my feet cool under pressure and how I redefined myself like sphinx evolves out of fire.

May be Steve Jobs’s biography, Mark zukerberg’s wit, Sergey Brin’s innovation have influenced me more than myself.

I redefine myself…This is the quest which I set for unknown…

I am a man who always want to achieve my ambition and undying quest to learn things. I plan my work everyday and i follow my own principles. I respect time and like to stay away from people who kill my time for their pleasure.

There are many days in which i was a victim of p*v*rt*; There are days in which I forgot food, sleep, entertainment for my academics. There are lot of hours in which I played with MatLab software to come with something new. There are days in which I avoided food,family,friends for longtime because I dont want to get disturbed. Many called me as “MAD”. It was true !! damn true. I have gone mad some days because of my passion towards research.

It was a spark in my mind during my young days in school in which I set this goal. I never expressed to anybody but my family.  Now every cell in my body is tuned to this goal.  The competetion for scholarship is always high here. I have nobody to encourage & motivate me. I am learning to motivate myself. It is not easy as I thought. There are lot of challenges, still unsolved problems and undying quest for knowledge…

I never feared of anything in my life regarding to academics. Today I am standing in the fear/fire zone to know about my scholarship outcome.  I always have backup plan for everything. Now I am risking everything here. there is dilemna every now and then. Some worst nightmares affliate to unknown stress in me. I dont have solutions for this and dont know how to find it.

People around dont understand this !! Always I never wanted anybosy to love me. I never hated anybody who loved/loves me.  People always give their helping hand if they love you. This may conclude that i dont possess a good friend here. Everybosy is money minded and selffish enough here. I am thrown out everywhere since I dont have enough money. I am praying GOD everyday not to give me money but to give me a good education which I want.

Will I be in top 40 people to be offered scholarship? I dont know. This mytery will be unlocked in couple of months but there are always uncertainities and surprises. I am confident about what I did. Now everything is out of my hand. I am worrying about things which I dont have control of it. This is bull**** in management theory.  You cant do anything about it if you dont have contro over it..

Time is ticking and I am eagerly hopipng for good outcomes !!

If u r reading this blog, never try to model/predict me :). Only thing you can do for me is to pray for me 🙂 funny…huh>>> realy funny .. he he he ( I could feel the tears coming out of my eye)